Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
