That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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