ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
