google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
