Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
