Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
