we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
