fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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