Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
