I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
