When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
