Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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