69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
