Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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