umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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