did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have aggressive nipples.
as a side note pls kill me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
