this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
