I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we're making bets on your personal life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
