I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
