That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
