Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
