Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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