He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
