my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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