I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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