I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
