I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I look better un-naked...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize