Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
are you so shy because you have an std?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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