you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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