Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
