oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
