Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
