But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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