Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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