we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
