turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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