I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
