It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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