There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
