You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
