the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
