what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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