Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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