she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize