My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
