I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
