Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
