Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
