i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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