i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
