they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
