there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
