he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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