Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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