Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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