in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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