well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
