woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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