I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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