WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
