Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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