wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone came in the potted fern
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
