I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
