i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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