I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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