I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
