I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
