I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize