Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
