My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
