I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
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