Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
