My balls are so social today.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
