Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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