I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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