Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize