...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
