Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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