whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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